FUD Me Once, Shame on You: Coinbase CPO Schools NYT on Crypto's 'Internet Dial-Up' Era

Coinbase Chief Policy Officer Faryar Shirzad just delivered a masterclass in historical receipts to the New York Times, seasoned with a healthy dose of crypto Twitter clapback energy. He framed today’s crypto skepticism as a tired rerun of the same episode where pundits dismissed the internet as a fad and the iPhone as a glorified iPod touch.

The CPO noted that disruptive technology always gets laughed out of the room by the establishment when its first "killer app" looks like a toy. The internet was for nerds, mobile phones were bricks for bankers, and the idea of a personal computer in every home seemed about as necessary as a pet rock.

Shirzad highlighted that crypto has graduated from its "magic internet money" thesis into something even the suits can’t ignore. Visa now uses USDC to settle between banks, turning a multi-day treasury migraine into a coffee-break transaction. Meanwhile, BlackRock is playing with Ethereum legos, tokenizing Treasury bonds in its BUIDL fund and bringing the old financial world on-chain, one digital brick at a time.

The list of real-world utility is stacking up faster than a degenerate’s NFT portfolio. Autonomous AI agents are now conducting on-chain commerce, tokenized markets are letting anyone with an internet connection play global investor, and smart contracts are automating compliance in ways that would make a team of lawyers obsolete. Even central banks are getting FOMO, with over 100 countries now peeking into the CBDC candy jar.

The core of Shirzad's argument boils down to a simple, spicy question: Are the critics even looking at the code? The adoption playbook is on the blockchain for all to see: the internet took 15-20 years to stop being "just for email," smartphones needed 8-10 years to become our external organs, and crypto, in its 14th year, is right on schedule for its "aha" moment.

The big-money institutions aren't waiting for a regulatory hug. JPMorgan, Goldman Sachs, and Fidelity have already built their blockchain divisions and are busy laying financial plumbing on-chain. The infrastructure is being built whether the skeptics are watching the construction or still insisting the blueprint is for a ponzi scheme.